I had my prenatal appointment on September 21, everything was normal.  The doctor checked my cervix I had not dialated at all.  I had another appointment in 2 days.  On September 23 around 9:00 pm I was taking a bath and I felt braxton hicks contractions. So I took a cup and poured water over my belly and eventually it stopped.  My husband and I then watched “Chicago Fire” the BH’s started back, but I as NOT going back to the hospital just for them to send me back home ( I had already been 3 times and been sent home all 3 times) That night I barely slept…at that point I was sleeping on the couch because I just couldn’t comfortably sleep in the bed anymore.  At about 3am I downloaded a contraction counter app and counted contractions…they were about 15 minutes apart and not getting stronger so I was convinced I was not in labor.  My husband got up for work at around 5:30 and I told him I had been up all night having BH contractions.  He asked me if I had called the doctor and I said no, so he said that if I had another one to call the doctor..I waited until I had 3 more then I called.  The doctor told me to come on in and get checked out.  I ate breakfast (I just knew they were going to send me back home) took a shower and headed to the hospital.  Once at the hospital they hooked me up to the monitors and the nurse gave me a buzzer and told me to push the buzzer everytime I felt a contraction…so I did that while she went to call my doctor.  She came back in and asked me if I was hitting the buzzer everytime I felt a contraction, and I said yes…she then went on to tell me that I was having contractions 5 minutes apart and that my doctor would be doing the c-section that day, but I had to wait because I had eaten breakfast.  So apparently I was having milder contractions that I wasn’t feeling.  I called my mom and sister and told them it was “B-Day” I was nervous, scared, and excited. My family, all of whom are in Michigan, were on their way to my great aunt’s funeral, but said they would be in touch throughout the day.  At 3:47pm Noah Kyle White made his way into the world.  He was a whopping 5 pounds 12 ounces and as soon as I heard him cry I felt teary eyed.  I had been to the lowest point I had ever felt trying to conceive these boys and the emotion I felt when I heard his cry is one I will never be able to describe.  Then 4 minutes later at 3:51pm Collin Michael White made his way into the world, weighing 5 pounds even.  He didn’t cry when he first came out, instead he sneezed 3 times.  I was in love, I was a mom. September 24 my life changed forever and I have loved every moment of it(even the sleepeless nights)  1st babies

The boys turned 6 months old today and I have enjoyed watching them grow and develop and I am looking forward to the future with them.  Today I took them back to the fertility clinic where it all started.  The staff was so happy to see them and I am glad I decided to take themdrwill

May 2014- August 2014 (another long post…maybe)

I really should update this blog more often, but I have been so busy.  Anyway, when we last met, I was 18 weeks pregnant with twin boys. One thing I didn’t mention in the previous post was how scary pregnancy was to me.  For the most part I had a healthy pregnancy.  But I did develop a placenta previa (Baby A’s placenta was covering my cervix) sometimes when he moved or kicked, it would cause me to bleed…TMI…not just like spotting but so much bleeding that the 1st time it happened I thought I peed on myself.  I went to the emergency room and heard both babies heartbeats and saw them both on ultrasound.  They were both moving around like they were completely oblivious to the scare they had just given me.  That was at 15 weeks, it wasn’t until I was 18 weeks that I was told I had a placenta previa.  Luckily it corrected itself somewhere around 25 weeks.  I was also very uncomfortable, my body was being stretched to its limit and I was feeling every bit of it.  I had my baby shower at 28 weeks.  My husband and I traveled back to Detroit for the shower. It was the 1st time our families had seen me pregnant and I was HUGE!!  I had a lot of fun at our shower and we got a ton of great gifts and it was just good to see all of friends and family.  Towards the end of August the doctor had me coming in 2 times a week for Non Stress Tests. That’s when they hook you up to monitors and measure your contractions and the babies heartbeats. Everything always looked normal on monitor and then I got my date for my c-section.  My boys would make their appearance in this world on October 8th…or so we thought!!

Updates from January 2014-May 2014…this is gonna be long but worth it!!

On January 16 2014, my husband and I started our first round of fertility treatments with our RE.  Due to insurance requirements we did an IUI or Intrauterine insemination.  Our cycle was medicated which means that I was taking fertility drugs to help our chances.  We decided not to tell anyone that we were starting the cycle, because we felt it would be less stressful and less pressure.  So on the 3rd day of my period or CD3 I went into the Dr’s office for monitoring.  They did an ultrasound, which confirmed that I wasn’t already pregnant and to check my uterine lining.  I also had my blood drawn to check my hormone levels.  Everything came back in the normal range so I began taking the Letrozole that night.  Letrozole is a pill usually taken for 5 days.  It is taken to help stimulate ovulation which will cause a woman to produce more that one mature egg during a cycle in order to increase her chances for pregnancy.  I took Letrozole CDs 3-7 and then on CD 7 I started taking a daily injection of Follistim which helps to suppress ovulation and allow the eggs to mature more.  I went back to the Dr’s office after 3 days of injections for monitoring.  This time it was just an ultrasound.  The ultrasound showed I had 2 mature follicles (eggs) on my left side and my lining was developing perfectly.  I was instructed to take one more injection that evening and my IUI was scheduled for Sunday January 26.  But there in one more injection I had to take.  On Friday night, 36 hours before my scheduled insemination,  I needed to take an injection of Novarel or the “trigger injection”  that would trigger or cause ovulation in 36 hours.  The night before the insemination we had been getting weather alerts about  a snowstorm and bad road conditions.  So since we live about 30 minutes from the clinic we decided to stay at one of the hotels across the street from the clinic.  We made it a date night to help us relax since we were both extremely nervous.  We went to Joe’s Crab Shack and then to the hotel.  We just watched tv until bedtime.  We had to be at the clinic the next day at 7am for my husband to provide a sperm sample.  Then we went back to the hotel because it would be another 2 hours before the sperm was ready for insemination.  The sperm needed to be separated from the semen first, then they spun it in a centrifuge, and whatever sperm was still remaining would be inseminated into my uterus.  Meanwhile, we went back to the hotel, had breakfast, chilled out for a while and then checked out of the hotel and went back to the clinic.  The insemination normally takes about 5 minutes.  They put the sperm into syringe with a catheter and use a tool to slightly open your cervix and then they “inject” the sperm into the uterus.  However, for me, I have a tilted uterus so the nurse and doctor both had trouble finding my cervix.  Finally they found it, it was facing straight up towards the ceiling when it should have been pointing straight ahead.  But the insemination was done!!!  They told me to lay there for 10 minutes but I think I laid there closer to 20 minutes.  Then we left.  I stayed on bed-rest for the next 2 days and then just waited.  My husband and I didn’t pray that the IUI would work, but instead prayed that God would give us the strength to accept His will.  My husbands count was really good, 80 million, and I had 2 eggs.  So to me there was no reason why it shouldn’t work, but I knew the final say wasn’t mine but God’s


February 6 2014.  3 days before I was supposed to take a home pregnancy test, I caved and took one…it came back very positive!!  I was to scared to get excited.  The injection that triggered ovulation contains HCG the same hormone that a pregnancy test detects, so I didn’t know if I still had traces of the trigger injection in my system.  But after talking to the nurse she said that they injection should have been out of my system days ago, I was 100% pregnant.  But I still had to go for a beta blood draw which tells you the amount of HCG that is in your blood stream.  This number should double every 24 hours if the pregnancy is viable.  My first beta was done on February 8, which was 13 days post IUI or 13dpiui.  My level was 258, I was definitely pregnant.  But I was nervous because I ovulated on the side where my tubes are blocked and I didn’t want this to be a tubal pregnancy.  But 2 days later my beta levels were 855.  They had more than tripled!!!  I scheduled my first ultrasound for Feb 25.


February 25, 2014.  My husband and I get up and get ready to see our baby on the ultrasound.  We are both excited and nervous.  I am praying the baby is developing how and where it should be.  At this point I am 6 weeks 2 days pregnant, so I’m trying to make out what’s on the screen, but I am so early in the pregnancy and the baby is so tiny, I really have no idea what I am looking for or at.  Then the doctor says, “I see one sac…I see 2 sacs”  OMG!!!!!!!!!!  I am having fraternal twins!!!!!!  This means that both eggs ovulated and had fertilized.  I was in complete shock, but in a good way.  But then the doctor said he couldn’t get a heartbeat on Baby B, he didn’t seem concerned because the sacs were the same size meaning they were both developing at the same rate, he said Baby B was probably just too small at this point to get a good heart rate and told us to come back in a week.  One week later Baby B had a strong heartbeat, and we had officially graduated from the fertility clinic.
I am currently 18 weeks pregnant with 2 perfect and healthy baby boys who are due the end of September.  I believe that this pregnancy is nothing but God.  And for those of you going through treatments or anything else to achieve your dreams of being a mother or father…don’t give up and keep God in everything.  If it is His will, then it will happen, only He knows when.  I pray for your patience and strength until it does happen.

All in my feelings

It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything.  Mostly because I have been fighting with our insurance company…we lost the fight.  They wanted us to do 6 IUI’s before they would pay for IVF.  Having gone through IVF already and having a poor response to the  medications, my Dr felt it would be better to go straight to an aggressive IVF cycle.  But since the IVF was a clinical trial, and I can’t get the medical records from that, we are stuck doing the 6 IUI’s.  So I guess its not a complete loss, especially if the IUI’s are successful.  But time will tell. 

I have had a dark cloud over my head all week.  First my husband’s grandmother passed away, and it made me realize that she will never meet my children.  Since before my husband and I got married, she would ask him about us having babies, and now she will never meet them.  Although, since I believe babies come from heaven, maybe she will meet them before God delivers them to me. 

Then the morning of her funeral, someone stole my car.  From my parent’s driveway.  Luckily we found it, but we have to come back home to Indiana without which means that we will have to go back to Detroit (for the 3rd time in a month) to get the car.  Which totally changed our plans for Christmas. 

And finally, a year ago this time I was going though my first IVF cycle which wasn’t successful.  I found out on 12/21 which is the day before my birthday that I wasn’t going to be a mother (yet).  But that really put a damper on my holidays.  My birthday has always been a big deal to me, but this year its just a reminder that I am yet another year older (35) and still not a mother (at least not to a living baby). 

I still have complete trust in God that it will happen, but I can’t help feeling sad this time of year.  Pray for me friends. I sure need it!!

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

In October 1988, President Ronald Reagan Proclaimed October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. “When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn’t a word to describe them. This month recognizes the loss so many parents experience across the United States and around the world. It is also meant to inform and provide resources for parents who have lost children due to miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy, stillbirths, birth defects, SIDS, and other causes.”

October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Which includes but is not limited to miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS, or the death of a newborn. The day is observed with remembrance ceremonies and candle-lighting vigils, concluding with the International Wave of Light, a worldwide lighting of candles at 7:00 p.m.

Post- Op updates

First of all, the hospital was very impressive!! Being new in town and not knowing anything about the hospitals here, it was very refreshing to feel like I was in such good care!! They even gave my husband a free voucher to the coffee shop!! My doctor called me yesterday and told me that he felt very good with the procedure. He was only planning on removing one fibroid, but once he got in, he saw that the other one was also pressing into my uterus so he removed both of them. He did say that he wasn’t able to get 100% of either of them out, but he was happy with the amount he did get out. He will be starting me on hormone therapy next week to build up my endometrium. Other than muscle aches, recovery hasn’t been too bad. My husband took the week off work to help out around the house and to help take care of me.  And he has been amazing!!  I ❤ him!!


National Day of Hope

In honor of National Day of Hope which is a day dedicated to those of us who have suffered from miscarriage or infant loss.  I would like to say first if you fall in either category, I am so sorry for your loss.  Next, I would like to address an issue that has been bothering me.  Don’t assume that because my loss occurred early (5 weeks) that it doesn’t hurt.  True, I never saw my baby on an ultrasound, or heard his/her heartbeat.  But it was still my baby, my child that my husband and I created out of love.  The baby I cried for before he/she was conceived and I have continued to cry for after he/she was conceived and then taken from me.  Nothing can describe the hole in my heart that will never be filled, not by another baby, not by time, nothing can ever fill the part of me that is now gone.  The medical term for what I experienced is a “chemical pregnancy” because at that stage in my pregnancy, it was only detectable by a chemical in my urine or my blood. I absolutely hate that term, because it makes it seem like it wasn’t real.  My baby was real, my loss was real, my pain IS real.  The day I found out I was pregnant, I planned my child’s life, I debated over baby names, I did all the things that a mother does when she finds out she is going to be blessed with a child.  A child that she planned, and cried, and prayed for.  So please don’t assume because I never felt my baby in my belly, that I didn’t feel my baby in my heart.



On July 15th, I started seeing an RE.  He did a blood draw to test my AMH which can help determine my Ovarian Reserve, or how many eggs I had remaining.  He felt based on my prior IVF cycle and poor response to the medication coupled with my high FSH that I would most likely need donor eggs.  My AMH  is .71 which he said is the high end of low, so he wants to try an IVF cycle. He said that based on my history and lab results my chance of pregnancy is 30% He also wanted to do a saline infusion sonogram and mock transfer.  So on CD 1 I called him and we scheduled the tests for CD 9.  While doing the mock transfer he said that everything looked good except that it looked as if I had 2 small fibroids.  Once he did the Saline Infusion Sonogram (SIS) he confirmed that there were 2 fibroids.  They both measured at less than 3 centimeters and he said anything bigger than 5 was big.  He wasn’t concerned about the size, but due to the location of one he didn’t feel confident moving forward with an IVF cycle with it pressing into my uterus.  So we have scheduled a hysteroscopic myomectomy to remove it on September 6.  Its a minor surgery that doesn’t even require an incision, but it has me a little anxious.  HE also said that he probably wouldn’t be able to remove the entire tumor, and it would probably grow back in 3-6 months.  But as long as an embryo is implanted before then, he didn’t see it being a cause for concern.  So I’m just patiently waiting for “Fibroid Eviction Day”